'Till Death Do Us Part
"I take thee to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part."
Many have said this phrase over the years. Many don't take it seriously, it's not 'until death do us part.' It's 'until I'm tired of making it work so now I'm just waiting for the paperwork to come through.' The national average shows that more than 50% of people who get married get a divorce. I'm not here to tell you how or how not to handle your marriage. I want you to change the way you think about vows.
Why do you think that 90% of New Year's Resolutions are forgotten in two weeks? Why do you think that 70% of gyms members never come in but continue to pay their bill? Why do you think that 9 out of 10 businesses fail in the first 5 years? How can we expect to keep our vows to other people when we can't even keep our vows to ourselves?
Vows are a tricky thing. They are only as strong as the conviction of the person who committed to them. Conviction isn't a common topic in today's fast-paced-social-media-crazed world. Conviction is the belief in whatever you're doing or saying. Think about things you have a strong belief of? What are your views on women rights? Human slavery? Child abuse? Poverty? Do any of these arouse strong emotions in you of a specific 'truth' to you? All of these have lines you would never cross and lines that you would fight to keep others from crossing, am I right? This is conviction.
We, as a nation, as a 'stereotype,' as a people, as a melting pot of different cultures and convictions of their own - have lost the conviction to keep a vow to ourselves. It is because our own words have no weight to us that our words have no weight when given to other people in the form of a vow, a commitment. I believe we can get it back. I believe that we can commit to ourselves again and ultimately commit to others with an unwavering sense of conviction.
Here are 3 keys YOU can start implementing TODAY to begin to fortify your convictions to yourself and to others.
As simple as it may seem, and as overplayed a card as it may be, the ability to forgive is the first step to everything. A lot of us have stopped committing to ourselves because we have seen other people stop being committed to us or stop their commitments to others. We have learned the behavior of weak conviction. Through 'shit talking' and 'judging,' we have allowed our own insecurities to cripple our ability to trust. It is that very trust that is the first building block in repairing your ability to commit to yourself and ultimately to other people. We have to forgive every time we have been hurt by people who did not stay committed to us when they said they would, our parents, teachers, old friends, and past lovers. We also have to forgive ourselves. Just because you gave up on every diet you ever started does not mean that you have to keep giving up on yourself. Forgive so you can give yourself the ability to be convicted to the next thing you commit to.
2. Face the Monsters
Monsters hide under our beds and in our closets. Our own personal monsters are our limiting beliefs. They hide in the shadows of our thoughts and our actions. They hold us back from starting that new business venture or relationship. They whisper in our ears that we won't be successful or that we will always struggle. Every single one of us has our own personal monsters, and you know who they are. We all know them by name but dare not speak it aloud - for fear that we will appear like Bloody Mary, as a reflection in the mirror that will haunt us. We lie to ourselves that if we don't say their name, that we can ignore their existence altogether. I have news for you, the only way to get rid of the monsters hiding under your bed is to lift up your sheets, take a good look, and face those dust bunnies casting the shadow of a dragon over your life. Face your fear of abandonment. Face your fear of rejection. Face your feelings of not being good enough. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell fear, "You have no hold on me any longer!"
3. Build New Bonds
Bridges aren't built overnight. Unless you're Julius Caesar's Army, of course (History joke). It takes time, practice, patience, and the help of a lot of people with hundreds of different tools and skill sets. The only way to see if a bridge is strong enough to hold is to cross it. You have to strengthen your commitments by committing to more things and more people and challenge yourself to stay committed. Think of conviction as a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
I challenge you to be cautious of the promises you make others. We expect other people to uphold their promises to us so make sure you honor the promises you make to others. Above all else, keep your vows to yourself. Vow to love yourself more every day. Vow to forgive. Vow to accept others. Vow to work harder. Vow to be more open to opportunities. Vow to stay committed to YOU.
Casey Nicole Fox is an author, speaker, podcaster, and serial entrepreneur. Casey is the CEO and Editor-In-Chief of Life By Design Entrepreneur Lifestyle Magazine, San Diego’s ONLY print entrepreneurship magazine. She has four for-purpose businesses while also being the COO of the 8 figure empire of Stegela Partners International Incorporated, the umbrella company of Stegela Success Mastery.